I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
