It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
false alarm, still single
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
