and you said cock pushups were impossible
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i think i just lost a toe
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
