Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize