I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
