I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize