First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
