so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
