how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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