i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
