I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
