Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize