there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
