I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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