just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
