Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
