just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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