my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The uberlube is also flammable
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
