oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
