The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
