plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
