We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
