so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
