And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How external is "for external use only"?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
