I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
