Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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