i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
