I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
