Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
