"it" just moved
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Come see our sink grown plant.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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