Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
