I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
