That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My ass is underappreciated
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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