oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
