Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want nice things and good sex
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
