Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize