well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
