You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
