guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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