Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
