New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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