you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
