Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Randomize
