are you still at the devil's house?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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