i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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