I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
