You're my little dorito
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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