I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
