Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
