Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
