Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
