I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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