I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
