Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
