2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In the future we'll all be gay
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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