I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize