I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
