my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize