do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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