Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
