so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize