I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
