Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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