My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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