Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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