Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
