I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
