So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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