P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
