So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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