I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
