I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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