May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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