I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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