I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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