How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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