You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
