I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
