I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
