Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
