there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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