I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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