idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
