are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize