Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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