Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
