I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Panties = found
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
