We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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