There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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