once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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