I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
