You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
