I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
