I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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