I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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