So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
