yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
