her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
