i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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