i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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