Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
