the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
