just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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