btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
