After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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