worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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