I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
