He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
