how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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